Innovation Isn't About the Innovator

 

 

 

Jonny McCoy, White Flag

Stephen Smith, NOCD

Creativity is the basis of life and art. As humans we are born parents, not just of the future children we may bear, but of the amazing things we create. Humanity has an intelligent desire to make things, a desire to create and invent media or objects that will help ourselves and other humans. There doesn't always have to be huge paycheck motivating us either. As humans we like to invent, and that is something specific to our species we fail to cherish.

As mentioned in my last post, I struggle with mental health issues. Bipolar disorder, OCD, and PTSD. Now, while managing bipolar disorder isn't easy, I have been lucky enough to have the resources to help me learn how to support myself and handle the ups and downs of my mood. There's mood stabilizers, and anxiety pills for those restless manic nights, and for trauma, there is also adequate treatment. A ton of therapists specialize in trauma and PTSD, and given that at the time of my diagnosis I was enrolled in TRICARE, the military health insurance provider, I was spoiled with my options of trauma therapists. It wasn't until I sought treatment, specifically for OCD, that I realized it wasn't the same for this disorder.

Few therapists I searched for on Psychology Today knew how to approach OCD specifically, and zero therapists who accepted my insurance did. It seemed that no matter where I turned, I couldn't find people who got OCD. Who understood it for the nightmare it truly is. 

Because OCD is not wiping down the same, immaculate table as soon as it gets dirty. OCD is not being neat, and keeping towels folded perfectly. OCD is not organizing Skittles by color before eating them. That is not OCD. And it was a surprise to me as I'd been shopping for a new therapist, that even professionals didn't seem to really understand what OCD looked like for most individuals with the disorder in their day to day lives. 

I predominately have Pure O, OCD, meaning that most of the compulsions I have are inside my mind. But, that's not to say that people with physical compulsions, the ones you can see, don't also deal with the war going on inside of an obsessive, compulsive brain. On the inside, OCD is being afraid that a dirty trashcan your hand brushed outside Walmart is going to poison you, and so you wash your hands, and everything it might have touched five, no ten, no fifteen, no, but I HAVE to keep going in increments of five now, so twenty, and then twenty five times to make sure that your hands are clean. OCD is checking the locks to the house are locked, not by looking, but by flipping it unlocked, and then flipping it locked, and then flipping it unlocked again, and then flipping it locked a final time, so that nothing terrible happens. OCD is a crippling fear that something is wrong with you, that you're going to hurt someone, or someone is going to hurt you. And to make the thoughts that linger and hang onto the forefront of your brain go away, you must do a ritual. You must imagine the violence happening while you stare at a wall and bite your lip in patterns of three, and convince yourself that something completely unverifiable either is or isn't. 

See, the thing that drives people with OCD, is the uncertainty. The absence of an answer that can be immediately provided is what causes the anxiety. And every obsessive, uncertain thought might as well be the ticking of a time-bomb. The compulsions are there to silence it before it can explode, but when you continue to use compulsions to make the thoughts go away, the relief will only be temporary. The bomb will always start ticking again soon enough, and you will trap yourself in the cycle of trying to quiet that explosive forever if you don't find treatment.

So, when I discovered the app, NOCD, which was catered to treating OCD, I felt like there was finally hope for silencing my time-bomb for good. NOCD is essentially, a semi-anonymous (you can choose to disclose your name if you like) discussion board with others who have OCD. There's a way to tag posts with trigger warnings, there are professionals you can connect with, and panic attack SOS relief meditations as well. It is the Oxford University of OCD treatment. I'd never spoken with a therapist who understood what I was going through, the way the people at NOCD did, and I also had this entire community of other people with OCD who also had OCD themes--or recurring intrusive fearful thoughts--that I also dealt with. 

The most painful OCD theme I had, was in regards to my relationship. This intense fear that my wife would cheat on me, that I wasn't good enough for her, that something was wrong with our relationship, that fate or destiny, or some other mystical force I didn't actually believe in would tear us apart somehow. Ironically, it was the fear itself that affected my relationship. And it was my connection with another person on NOCD that experienced this same fear that helped me through it. 

We exchanged Snapchat usernames  on the app, and connected further. She told me of the fears she had of her husband cheating on her, and the intense anxiety that came when he saw an actress naked on TV.

I shared my sad stories too. My irrational fears that every time Harper was going to hang out with a friend, or texting a person from work, that she was falling in love with someone else. Of course, the reality was that I had no real reason to be suspicious, or jealous, or anything. She's been the most faithful, dedicated partner I've ever had and I trust her more than anyone. And through my relationship with this woman I met on NOCD, and the other wonderful people, exercises, and features of this app, I was able to learn that the only thing that would make things better for good was ERP, which stood for exposure response prevention. This method of therapy exposed me to the things that made me uncomfortable, until I became comfortable with the response of my own discomfort, preventing me from feeling it anymore. Eventually, there was no discomfort, and the bomb stopped ticking for good.

If it weren't for NOCD, there's no way I would've made the progress I have. I barely use the app now. My OCD has improved to a point where I rely less on constant, ongoing treatment. But, when I read about Jonny McCoy's app, White Flag, which pairs people with mental health disorders to others with similar issues, acting as a interest-based virtual group therapy, I knew that's what I wanted to mention in this post.

It's no surprise that he was nominated for the 2023 INDEX award. Apps like these can change people's lives. NOCD worked for me and others with OCD. But what about neurodivergent individuals, or people with schizophrenia, or DID? There's a multitude of other mental health disorders, that, like OCD, don't have the best mainstream treatment, but when you're surrounded by people and resources that know what you're going through and cater to it, it can be life changing. And I can't do anything but applaud people like the founders of NOCD, and Jonny McCoy for seeing a problem and fixing it, not just for themselves, but for other people too. 

The founder of NOCD has OCD, and Jonny McCoy has run peer support groups in the past. These people saw people in need, or were in need, and found solutions that were accessible to everyone. It is such a virtue to create for others. To not only provide a solution for yourself, but a solution that you wish someone had provided for you. And at the end of the day, I think that's what creativity is about. You should create the show you want to watch, or design the hoodie you want to wear, because while we may worry what others think about our work, there is value in letting other people connect with whatever you have created. Innovation isn't about the innovator. Once you have made something, you may be credited to it, but it doesn't belong to you. It's not for you anymore. It's for others, and the world is better for the things we create being engaging to other people, and not just to ourselves.